No boob jobs, please, we’re British


HELP! I’ve just had my breasts enlarged and I don’t like the new size. British embassy – sort out my boobs!

Along with tips on jam-making and how best to discipline naughty boys, these are just a few of the crazy requests being fired at British embassies around the world, the Foreign Office said.

The country’s 261 diplomatic missions across the globe are getting fed up of bizarre demands for help from Brits abroad, some of whom seem to think the British embassy is an agency for finding lost sunglasses and paying bills.

”If you have a serious problem abroad – maybe you’ve been involved in an accident, have lost your passport or are a victim of crime – we can help you,” said Juliet Maric, the British Consul in Alicante on the Spanish east coast.

”But we can’t tell you who is allowed to use your swimming pool, pay your taxi fares for you – or do anything about the exchange rate.

”We regularly get inquiries from people who think we’re a one-stop-shop for any problem they might encounter while abroad; this can be frustrating as we need to focus resources on the serious cases that we’re there to help with.”

One lady, unhappy with the size of her newly-boosted breasts following surgery, asked if the embassy could help.

A mother asked the Florida consulate to help her teenage son pack his suitcase and give him a lift to the airport as he was feeling unwell.

One person called in consular assistance to find out what ratio of fruit to sugar should be used when making jam.

A holidaymaker in Italy asked the embassy where a particular brand of shoes could be bought.

Other requests have included asking for embassy staff to pay a bill when a credit card had “maxed out” and a traveller asking “Can you tell me how to make my naughty son behave?”

”Our embassies are not there to provide weather reports or give advice on unruly children,” said consular affairs minister Chris Bryant.

”It’s important that British nationals understand what the Foreign Office can and can’t do for them.”