Ryanair may be Irish, say experts


Aviation experts said that expecting passengers to stand for an entire journey on board a plane travelling at 400mph and vulnerable to turbulence and sudden, sharp descents did have a “flavor of the Emerald Isle about it.”

Tom Logan, from Brunel University, said: “As far as we’re aware most of their flights are vaguely on time and the whole thing is reasonably piss-free and efficient, so we knew they weren’t English.

“And of course there are no planes in Wales because of their fear of dragons, so we were able to rule that out.

“Then we noticed they were always in the newspapers for horrible, mean-spirited ideas designed to accumulate as much money as possible with no regard for anyone else, so we just assumed they were Scottish.

“But now with the ‘standing up on a plane’ idea it seems they may actually be from Ireland.”

Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary said if there was no standing room left then passengers could be strapped to the roof or hang from the engines on a rope.

He added: “Thousands of people stand on tube trains every day. I completely fail to see to the difference.

“Sure, the tube tends to stay below 30,000 feet and seldom goes over 400mph, but I think there’s a big market for people who think a long weekend in Gdansk is worth dying for.”

A spokesman for the Civil Aviation Authority said: “He’s like a cross between Willy Wonka and a leprechaun that was abused as a child. It’s endearing and terrifying in equal measure.